We're Doing Just Fine

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Quit Cheating On Me With Your Other Blog, Adi

Here are some life updates!

1. I moved to Los Feliz. I know you know this because you helped me move by guarding the moving truck. And then you put away all my books and hung up all my clothes. Great job!

2. Parking is so terrible so I bought a new (used) bike. This is how I get around now. I have a helmet, locks, and lights. I’m a bike person. I biked from Los Feliz to Venice yesterday, during rush hour, it was scary.

3. I now use public transit. LA does in fact have a subway, and I love it, I fucking love it. Door to door it takes me an hour to get to work. And I’m not all stressed from traffic and bleeding money on gas, I am comfortably reading.

4. I started the Paleo diet. It’s really hard. But I do feel better. I am prone to depression, lethargy, and breakouts, which I sometimes think is just lame luck, but I was reading that it could all be grain-related. So no more grains or legumes. Pretty much just meat and vegetables and fruit.
Very exciting. I like steak and salmon and lamb way more than i like sweets, so—I’ll live. Isn’t this riveting,

5. I want a cat but I don’t because I’m not home enough and I don’t want my cat to be attention starved or resent me.

6. I have an in at a production company, I really hope I get it. It will be mindless office work, but at least it’s vaguely in the field of what I actually want to do— no more babysitting or waiting tables.

7. I have a meeting at a commercial agency this Thursday. I’d be more excited except I always bomb these things. I have a good feeling about this one though, so I instead of being excited, I’m just kinda blasé. What to wear though? I never know…

8. I’m getting Internet installed tomorrow so I should feel a little more settled after that.

9. My baby brother Eric is coming in town tomorrow and I’m elated. I’m cutting and dying his hair to make him look like Draco Malfoy, but he doesn’t know that yet.

10. Let’s have a girls night soon, no homo.

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Dear Maleficent,

My wife, the queen and I, want to apologize to you for not inviting you to our baby shower.

The thing is—we didn’t invite you because you curse people. Then, you showed up late—and you cursed our baby! And it’s like, this is why! Ok? This is why you don’t get invited in the first place. 

That and your pet crow is kind of creepy. 

So listen, if you wouldn’t mind lifting that curse…you know, the one where you sentenced our baby to death by the spindle of a spinning wheel before the sun sets on her 16th birthday? Yeah. If you wouldn’t mind just, ah, undoing that curse there, that’d be great. Let’s just put this whole thing behind us.

Sincerely,

King Stefan 

*concept created by Adi Blotman, after 1 dirty martini at The Geekie Awards. 

Filed under maleficent disney thegeekieawards

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"Glow" Smells Amazing

That was a great party.  It got pretty big, as I remember, for a party sprung up that day.  So hard to get to my building that day of the year.  It was 10 blocks from Times Square and people were lining up to watch the stupid ball drop from like, 10am.  Seriously.  

I get really uncomfortable in crowded places, so I don’t do parades or rallies or Times Square on NYE.  I stay where I know I can avoid touching strangers and where I KNOW there’s a bathroom.  What do they do when they need to go to the bathroom?  Is it just the worst?  Do most people who do the ball drop regret it?  Because I feel sorry for them all and I just want to give them a blanket and a toilet.  

This year will be my first New Years Eve in LA.  It’s weird going out now, cause I can’t really drink, not that alcohol is such a thrill to me.  I still would like to be able to get just the right amount of drunk and spend an evening that way.  I drink so rarely now that I don’t know what the right amount is anymore - It’s changed a lot over the years.  Me getting older and more adult like, I guess.  You know you’re growing up when you can’t remember the last time you’ve projectile vomited. 

I wish we could throw a party at my place, but this is a “quiet” building, as our landlord likes to say.  I do hope you move to my neighborhood, it will please me.  

A

Filed under NYE new york party new year times square ball drop los angeles drinking alcohol bathroom

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Look at this oldie but goody! New Years Eve, 2003!! Winn and I barely made it to your place on time, I went from zero to rip-roaring drunk in like 5 minutes. This was taken shortly after we arrived, and by the look of it, I’m snockered. How did I get so drunk so fast? Thank god I’m not so young and dumb anymore. So much fun, though. Look at how snuggly we are! I bet I went in for a hair sniff and you smelled like Glow, by J. Lo. 

Look at this oldie but goody! New Years Eve, 2003!! Winn and I barely made it to your place on time, I went from zero to rip-roaring drunk in like 5 minutes. This was taken shortly after we arrived, and by the look of it, I’m snockered. How did I get so drunk so fast? Thank god I’m not so young and dumb anymore. So much fun, though. Look at how snuggly we are! I bet I went in for a hair sniff and you smelled like Glow, by J. Lo. 

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My Cat Has Achieved More Success Than Me

My cat’s got more likes and reblogs than anything I’ve ever put out there, And it just goes to show you how hard it is to make it as a human being in this world.  No matter what we do, we are just not going to look that cute when we yawn.

While I write and delete 7 tweets because I don’t think they’re clever enough, my cat licks her ass and falls off the bed and becomes loved by all.  

image

Look at her.  Just sitting there.  No dues paid, no effort.  just an instant success machine I clean up after.

It’s like being a celebrity baby.  You’re just born into people fawning all over you, taking care of your every need and following you around with a camera all the time.  

Whatever.  

You play with the yarn.  I weave it.  

A

 

Filed under cat cats pet success popular blog